I'm in Asbury. I'll be at your boatyard in 15 minutes.
No. I got a meeting. I'll come there after.
Fuck.
O.J. 's acquittal, they can't accept. Now they're suing him in civil court.
Simpson's attorney is outraged. Fred Goldman is philosophic.
- In Jersey, they'd have fried his ass. - He's shunned on his golf course now.
There he is, F. Lee Fat-Fuck!
Hold my briefs.
- What's the matter? - My back.
Fucking ValuJet. Trying to save 50 bucks.
How was Boca?
Your uncle worried I was there to pop him.
And wait till we get outside, huh?
Junior's looking for a way out, but he's upset.
Thought he was in line to be boss.
Now he takes orders from someone who used to fetch his sambuca.
Fuck him. Is he gonna sit down or not?
- If Tony guarantees his safety. - Deal with it, Tony.
Make it Christmas, so I don't have to go on that fucking cruise.
I'm just back from Florida and Ange books a suite on the Dawn Princess.
- Five thousand a week. - Thank God Carm gets seasick.
We're staying home this year so Jackie can study for his SATs.
Pray he goes to a state school. Look at Terri's bills.
- And Matt and Kevin next. - You need money, see me.
- You hear me? - Don't move that H no more, Puss.
It's too risky.
I always wanted a house by the ocean. Maybe in another life.
Ton. Tony!
- Hey, Paulie. - We gonna go see your boat?
I'm just thinking about our former friend.
Who?
Him?
Not me. Never.
Me and Jackie met him here in '95. When he got back from Boca.
Oh, yeah. Junior hijacked Jackie's truck. What about it?
- Should've seen it then. - Don't waste time on that rat fuck.
I'd kill him again if I could.
Tommy Angeletti is doing a rebar at the Esplanade.
Yeah?
He's into me for 100 large on college basketball.
Ralphie's holding up the contractor for more money.
He's got the site shut down on a strike. Angeletti can't work.
Your book, against millions gonna roll in off the Esplanade.
I knew you'd take his side.
He shouldn't offer some no-show electrician jobs?
I shouldn't get something out of this fucking Esplanade?
All right, I'll talk to him.
Good, you're up. I got the digital video for Meadow.
Three down, three to go.
- You need to pick up the scooter. - On my list.
And you won't like this. Janice wants to cook Christmas dinner.
Christmas Eve or Day?
I'll do Christmas Eve. Wanna turn her on shellfish?
- She wants to cook goose on Christmas. - Why?
Her impulses are right.
She wants me to make gravy and lasagna so I have to bring over my kitchen.
- She needs you to fix the fuse box. - Fuck. Come on, I'm busy.
So what, I'm not?
Well, I was feeling good.
Now I'm back to square one.
What do you mean?
I had another one of those attacks this morning.
Not the whole thing.
But it was right there. Under the surface.
That feeling like I got ginger ale on my brain?
Are you taking your medication?
- Not every day. - Is that what the prescription says?
- Another thing to feel bad about. - Well?
- Tell me what led to this. - Know my log?
I was supposed to write things down?
Look. It's shit to do for Christmas.
Oh, the pressure we put on ourselves this time of the year.
I call it Stress-mas.
That's cute.
I was looking forward to Christmas this year. No shit.
Then here I go, right back in the fucking rabbithole.
Okay, let's do the drill. The attack, what preceded it?
Yesterday I went to get my boat winterized.
What happened?
I thought about this thing.
I haven't thought about it since it happened.
Tell me about it.
- I can't. - I see.
We're at one of our favorite junctures.
Without going into specifics...
...I can tell you he was a friend of mine.
And I found out he was working for the federal government.
Enough said?
I see.
Am I ruining your Christmas?
Be accepted
A- major? By the Lord...
E- major.
Rejected and abandoned
I don't know. Do you think it's too down?
With the chorus, "His blood cleans every stain"?
It's a great mother-jumping lyric.
Yeah, but what are we selling, Ajax?
His blood cleans stains?
My brother, I hope. Shit.
Hey, you guys! Come on in!
- We were working. - On a fuse box?
No, we're making a demo, trying to get some major label interest.
- Oh, fuck. - God, the poor thing.
I'm not eating here unless this pigsty is cleaned.
It's my wrist, Tony.
And the Percodans aren't even working anymore.
Got any rubber gloves?
I'll get started and we can work on the stock.
I thought the doctor said it was just a sprain.
Apparently there's nerve involvement. I may need an operation.
From the Russian?
The worst night of my life. But it led me to Jesus.
Come on, Janice, when's the last time you went to a prayer meeting?
I know. And Aaron and I don't even sleep together anymore, but...
...in a way, Christianity's brought about a business with this CCM.
- The what? - Christian Contemporary, Tony.
It's the fastest growing marketing sector in the music business. Here.
You knocked over your drink, honey.
- Really hurts, huh? - Yeah.
Janice.
Here's a branch. I don't see the rest of the tree.
Fuck that philosophical shit.
- Oh, Jesus. - What?
Oh, shit.
That is depressing.
- I don't even wanna fucking touch it. - Hey.
The wife sends her love.
How are you, Ray?
How you doing, Hesh?
Tony.
Guess what we found in the bottom of the Christmas box?
Santa outfit.
- You guessed. - Burn the fucking thing.
It's the first time I recall him not being Santa.
- Big Pussy. - We were just talking about that shit.
When he got back from Boca, Christmas of '95.
- How he wasn't himself. - What happened to...
...not wasting your breath? - Two-faced fuck.
To sell out your friends? It's despicable.
- I'd love to have been on that ride. - Me too.
Put up the fucking decorations.
But we still gotta find somebody to play Santa.
- Get out of here. - It's fitting.
- Your father started this tradition. - Right.
When Johnny-boy took this place over...
...and Satriale put a bullet in his head?
- There was a lot of sadness. - Nothing a Christmas ham couldn't fix.
- Come on, T, huh? - Fucking stop, all right?
Find somebody else.
- Big man. Come have drink. - Where's Slava?
Working, probably.
Anthony.
How you doing?
You want something? Food?
- No, we just gonna talk. - Oh. High level.
- He's celebrating early. - You don't know the half.
Russian Christmas isn't till mid-January.
There's a quarter mil there. My personal funds.
I'll send it to Moscow with the IBM Thinkpads.
I want to use Promstroibank.
They'll send it to the Isle of Man, to your bank, numbered account.
Agron.
Thanks.
Galina loved the Escalante. Can you get another?
There is something maybe you can help me with.
You tell me what it is. I'll tell you if I can help.
We're looking for this Russian. A friend of Svetlana Kirilenko?
- Irina's cousin. - The one-legged woman.
But I don't want her involved.
I know he drives a livery cab. And he wasn't nice to someone I care about.
Don't think any more about it. I'll kick shit out of him.
No, no, no. I'm gonna do this. This motherfucker's mine.
- What happened to the Jarlsberg? - What?
Stop the music. Cut! Stop the music!
A wedge of Jarlsberg was here this morning. What happened?
- I don't know. - Damn it!
Debbie had Brie missing from her purse.
In there?
Since we found that suit, I'm dreaming about the fat rat bastard.
- Well, what about it? - We did the right thing.
You're starting to worry me. You got a problem?
'95. I can't believe I didn't see it.
I had a lamp down here, but Meadow took it to school.
You think it was in Boca? He's bringing the shit in through there?
No, it wasn't Boca. They didn't flip him in Boca.
He went to set up the sit-down with my uncle.
I know for a fact he was with my uncle the whole time.
It was the sit-down.
Simpson attended the deposition but had no comment.
Simpson faces another challenge. The Goldman attorney...
I'm saturated with it.
- In anticipation of collecting punitive damages.
- Corrado. - John.
- Where's Bonpensiero? - He's not here.
He's supposed to be here. He brokered the fucking thing.
Hey, I'm here.
Think I'd let them hurt my only uncle?
- No. - Sit down.
Where were you?
You better have an excuse for why you're alive.
I'm sorry. It'll never happen again.
I hope nobody called home. I said I was with you.
My goomar's mother was in the hospital.
A small stroke. She lost use of her left hand.
- It's back, but I didn't eat, sleep... - You get laid?
Yeah.
We should have known. Right then. When he was MIA from that sit-down.
It's all the time you need. They flip someone...
...they get them back right away. That very day.
So you don't have time to think.
So, what are you getting your goomar for Christmas?
Cash. It shuts her up about being alone on holidays.
Michelle likes ice. I'll get a piece in the city.
- T, what are you getting? - She did me a favor.
- She went to Morocco. - On her own? She paid?
- Yeah. - She went to Morocco?
- Who is she? Bada Bing Crosby? - Not one of those girls.
She's got a real job. She sells Mercedes.
Smart. Gorgeous. Too good to be true.
Speaking of which, who's that piece of ass?
Oh, Madonna! Look who it is.
It's the miracle of Christmas.
Next, the blind will see and the lame will walk.
How is everything here so far?
Much better now that we cast our glims on you, sweetheart.
- How you doing, Mainie? - Fine, Tony-oni.
Listen.
I thought you'd wanna know. The two guys over there at that table?
- Yeah? - I think they're FBI.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, enjoy.
These are ready.
You are a hypocrite. That's what you are.
You vilify a man behind his back and then you smile in his face.
Something's gotta keep customers coming back...
...and it's not gonna be your mushy raviolis, lately.
Hey.
Charmaine. Sometimes we have to work the same shift.
Your wife. Her ass may be improved, but...
Hey, come on. Sil.
She's over here joking about the FBI. Since when is that funny?
Yeah.
No. Wait. Hold on a minute.
Go ahead.
All right. Great.
Yeah.
Merry Christmas to you too.
- Mr. Valdez? - That's me.
I know you. You look like someone, I don't know.
He's the designated drive.
Me? No, you the "desigignate" drive.
- No, no, no. You. It's you. - No, you.
Airport Ramada, right?
- Yeah. - That's a go. Come on.
- How was dinner? - Good.
- Was Charmaine there? - Yep.
- Looks good, doesn't she? - Disappointed?
Her husband dumped her, she's gonna look like a krull?
- A krull? - A crone, a troll. I don't know.
Holiday traffic. My head is clanging like a bell.
I got the scooter.
Hello, Bedford Falls!
- Oh, Jesus. - Merry Christmas!
Enough already.
Merry Christmas, George!
Santa.
- We still haven't got one. - Wanna do it?
Me? What do I know about it? I don't have kids.
Santa doesn't have kids.
Strange that Mr. And Mrs. Claus didn't have kids of their own.
- It's why they do it. - Thought elves were their kids.
- They run a sweatshop. - I saw a thing on TV.
The elves were ugly. Traveled with Santa to beat bad kids.
He gave the good ones toys.
The fucking Grinch. Maybe that's where they got the idea.
- That fucking Dr. Seuss ripped it off. - That Grinch is where the money is.
Couple hundred mil? Put Jim Carrey in it.
- Tony. - Hey!
I got stuff for the party. Toys. From me and Junior.
They're not wrapped. This way they can see.
Tell Junior thank you.
- What? - Ho-fucking-ho.
- You're right. - What?
- Wanna play Santa Claus at the party? - I can't.
Why not?
- I don't know how. - What's to know?
Ask what they want. Give them a toy.
- And that's it. - Not me. I can't.
- Yes, you can. - I can't.
- Why not? - I'm shy.
The boss of this family said you'll be Santa.
You're Santa Claus. So shut the fuck up.
A strange and macabre Christmas story...
...of continuing violence against livery drivers.
Police were called...
...to what seemed to be a Christmas prank gone awry.
Livery driver Igor Parnasky was trapped under Santa's sleigh...
...and beaten inside the window of Curran's Sporting Goods.
The Russian émigré was injured by broken glass.
Police are questioning members of a marauding youth gang.
Oh, my God.
Reporting live from downtown Newark...
- Aaron? Honey? Honey. - Yeah?
I know what's missing from the song. It's the brother concept.
- He ain't heavy? - No, I mean not exactly.
Maybe we can try to get something down.
Jan, you're crying.
Sometimes we really don't see our loved ones.
Hi. What are you doing?
I'm just enjoying the tree. I love this time of year.
Me too.
- You're home early. - Hunter went to the city with Hadley.
- Where's Jackie tonight? - Visiting a friend in the hospital.
Oh, no. Who?
- Someone from school has appendicitis. - Oh, my God.
So you and Jackie are getting pretty close, huh?
That new angel looks really great.
- That's what he said. - Wanna see 50 G's?
- Holy shit. - What is that, sapphires?
My wife better like it. Wild Turkey, neat.
How you doing?
Fine. How are you?
Carmela was right. You look great.
Thank you.
- I'm giving you a compliment. - Don't.
- What's your problem? - All these years I kept my mouth shut.
I didn't want you and your boys here. Look what you've done to my husband.
I'm trying to help him.
Yeah, well, good luck, because he's a frigging mess.
- Let's get the fuck out of here. - Where to?
Who gives a shit?
Little joint just opened on 46? I been meaning to check out the competition.
Come on.
Oh, wow.
What?
- Tony. - Hey.
What's going on? You getting a little loving?
- It's not what you think. - Come on.
Come on, it's all right. I just wanna talk to you. Come on.
It's a bachelor party. My frat brothers.
- I didn't do anything. - Shut up.
- Put your hands up! - No, please...
- No, please! - Come on, you fuck!
You fucking pussy. All I did was tell your old man what a good kid you are.
- And all you do is fucking hurt me. - I'm sorry!
I'm sorry.
What's this? Huh?
- Nice. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- You bottomed out. - What do you mean?
You bottomed out.
I wish I could get up at 11:30 after being out all night, God knows where.
Come on. Stop with the pots and pans.
- Where were you last night? - I wasn't anywhere.
- I was the monogamy poster boy. - Oh, please.
I break up with the so-called Russian whore...
...and this is the thanks I get. - What about Charmaine?
- Charmaine? - I know all about you.
- What? I didn't do anything. - You did in high school.
- High school? - Don't try to deny it.
Oh, okay, high school. Okay.
Her husband dumps her and she never looked so good? You gotta ask why.
I didn't do nothing.
- I didn't do nothing. - It's too late.
I don't believe anything you say.
My wife had her doubts about Jackie Jr.
All along, I kept defending the little two-faced prick.
Do you feel responsible for their relationship?
Meadow thinks she'd be dating the Oreo cookie if not for me.
Well, that's true, isn't it?
The question is, what'll I do about Jackie?
Should I tell my wife?
And Meadow. Jesus. She's...
Break her heart if she knew.
On another subject.
I was thinking about what we were talking about last time.
Your friend who was working for the federal government?
Granted, I get most of my information from the movies and Bill Curtis...
...but I was thinking...
They're around the block out there! Biggest one yet!
- Where's the beard? - I saw it in the box.
It's gotta be there.
Even without padding, the suit's too small on Fatso.
You motherfucker.
- What, Tony? - He was wearing a wire.
When he came to the party he already had the suit on.
Hey, look at this.
- Been walking around in that? - Boosting Salvation Army kettles.
- Kevin, make me a sandwich. - Okay, Dad.
He's a method actor. In character, like Al.
"It was you, Fredo. "
- Look. Don't even need a pillow. - Hey! Watch the suit!
He can't make a joke? Are you Mr. Sensitive?
Chrissy. Ashtray.
Tony.
This problem with the red-tag garbage dumping in Paden City...
Christmas, he wants to talk about medical waste?
Just checking we're clear to go there. We reached out to the EPA guy.
That reminds me, Dick called.
I'm talking! Stop interrupting!
- What's wrong with you? - Fuck you.
- Hey! Hey! - Take it easy!
- Ton, Ton. - What's wrong with you?
- Jesus Christ. - It's as cold as your sister's tit.
- You should see the crowd. - Jackie Jr., how you doing?
Tell them what you told me on the way.
- Capital of Canada. - Come on, Dad.
The kid's got it up here.
- Give me your coat. - Hey, Chrissy!
Let them in, for chrissakes.
Good. Check on the presents.
Go see Santa. Right this way.
Ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Come on in, children. Don't be afraid.
Sweetheart, sit on Santa's lap.
Have you been a good girl?
- What do you want? - A new doll and a kitchen.
- Here's something, Dad. I mean, Santa.
My elf has snow on the brain. He called me Dad.
Like it? Big enough to be your sister. Merry Christmas.
- Thank you, Santa - Oh, how cute. Who's next?
Come on, don't be shy. Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Next. We got a lot of people to go. Come on.
- What do you want? - Merry Christmas.
Wait. I gotta give you a present.
Single file here. Come on. Next in line.
It would kill him to say, "Ho, ho, ho"?
- You were just here. - I was not.
- You were on my lap. - I wasn't.
You're going on Santa's list and getting nothing!
- Fuck you, Santa! - Hey!
Gregorio! How dare you talk that way to Santa?
- He never talks that way. - You don't talk that way to Santa.
Go back. Tell Santa you're sorry.
Go on.
- I'm sorry, Santa. - That's better.
I don't care. You are punished.
What's wrong? You got your own kids.
I didn't wanna do this. Shyness is a curse.
Why don't you lighten up? It's Christmas.
Come here, honey.
Don't be scared of Santa. There you go.
- Next year, he goes to Santa school. - Fucking ho-hum, if you ask me.
I don't miss Pussy's fake fucking good cheer.
Let him stay with the fish.
Why'd you go to that psychic, since you don't dwell on this?
That was different. Chrissy was shot. That was a paranormal event.
What are you talking about?
That psychic said the guys were haunting you, the guys you...
Pussy. I loved that cocksucker like a brother, and he fucked me in the ass.
Well, that's the difference between Puss and the others.
- Him you loved. - The world don't run on love.
He was a rat bastard.
One thing you gotta admit, he made a great Santa Claus.
- He did. - In the end? Fuck Santa Claus.
Another sweater.
It's from Nana. You'll tell her how much you like it.
Who could that be so early?
Maybe it'll fit me.
It's not bad. Better than last year.
Jackie Jr.! Hi. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Aunt Carm. Is it okay if I come in?
We're just opening our presents.
- Merry Christmas, Tony. - Good morning.
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
These are from Mom for everybody.
This is for you.
- Wow, thanks. Let me get your present. - No. You can open yours first.
Okay.
This is so beautiful. Jackie, thank you.
There's something on the back.
"To M.S. From J.A. I will always be true. "
Jackie.
- Be right back. - Okay.
Here, let me see that.
Can I talk to you?
I flunked out of Rutgers.
I'm sorry. I know I fucked up.
I got distracted this year by things.
Ralph said I was wasting time if I lacked aptitude.
Ralph?
He didn't go to school. Look at the money he made at my age.
And the piece. My car got broken into at the frat house.
So Ralph gave it to me.
It was fucking stupid, I know. But I'm gonna be all right now.
I'm gonna design men's suits.
Meadow says to go to the Fashion Institute. I could be good if I try.
You bullshit me and you betray my daughter.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Go back inside.
Now, I'm gonna be frank on this.
I haven't decided what to do with you.
Coming through!
You can't stay? I have to give you your gift.
I'm driving Mom up to the home to see Grandma.
Thank you for my beautiful necklace.
Merry Christmas.
- Be with your family. Open your gifts. - I love you.
Oh, my God!
- Let me see, Mom. - Look.
Wow. Wow.
Well, this is gonna seem really stupid after that...
...but it's your turn, Dad. This is for you.
I didn't think you were gonna give me anything, you know, after...
It's Christmas.
Thank you.
Come on, open it.
- What is it? - I don't know.
- "Big Mouth Billy Bass. " What's that? - Those are good.
Wait'll you see what it does.
- What does it do? - You'll see.
I give you a lot of stuff. I don't know what you do with it, but...
...I wanna see this on your desk. Promise?
Yeah.
Oh, my God. That is hilarious!
Wait, Mom.
What a riot!
It's cute. Thanks, honey.